Oh hey, Suri. [DS]

• What does Lindsay Lohan think of Scarlett Johansson? “Ugly, fat, and has no talent.” Well, at least Scarlett isn’t going to be ugly, fat, talentless and in jail. [AIW]
• Note to OJ Simpson: live call-in shows are probably not a good idea, as the public finds you completely repulsive. [GH]
• Whoopi Goldberg will replace Rosie O’Donnell on ‘The View.’ Holla. [Celebitchy]
• Jessica Alba chills at the drugstore. [DH]
• Kirsten Dunst still looks like a hobo. [CS]
• Let’s remember the good old days: Lindsay Lohan in a bikini while wearing an alcohol-monitoring bracelet. [Grumpiest]
• Chris O’Donnell’s wife is pregnant with their fifth child. Jeez louise. [GB]
• Hayden Panettiere + bikini. [JIYH]
• Goldie Hawn in a bikini = do not want. [SOW]
• Is Angelina Jolie headed to rehab? Probably not, but Star Magazine would like us to think so. [WW]
• How does Debbie Harry maintain her “youthful” appearance? Sheep embryos, of course. [CNW]
• Britney Spears’ cousin Alli Sims spoke out about Brit’s awesome parenting skillz. [CS]
• LA Galaxy fans are ready for David Beckham to go back home to the UK. [RC]
• Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal appear to be back on. [JCC]
• Check out the “El Cantante” premiere. [GTS]

I love, love, love the dress, but I would most definitely wear a bra underneath it. That doesn’t mean I think Cameron Diaz should too. I’m just sayin’…

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TMZ obtained the 311 call the Wynn Hotel made after Britney Spears’ bodyguard reportedly assaulted a photographer.

Click here to listen.

I love how blasé and bored the dude making the call sounds. Just another day on the job.

Tara Reid continued her mission as a liposuction poster child during a vacay in St. Tropez this week. On the plus side, she kept her pants on.

Ahahahaha!

“I ordered a Hummer hybrid,” Paris Hilton told Us on July 19.

Really?

“Such a car doesn’t exist,” a Hummer spokesman says.

Ahahahaha!

Amy Winehouse and hubby Blake Civil-Engineer reportedly plan to escape London by moving to sun-drenched Miami. The pale pair married in Miami in May and fell in love with the city.

A close pal said: “They love Miami… I don’t know what it is about the place but it has this draw for them.

“They have been seriously talking about buying a place over there.

“Amy is romantic; it is a special place for her because that is where they got married.

“It is ideal. They have the sunshine, the beach but a brilliant night-life too; they couldn’t be without a bar for long.”

The pal added: “Her mum hated the fact that Amy got married without her over there.

“She wanted to do the whole huge Jewish wedding for her little princess.

“Amy wants to buy a place out there to prove to her mum how much she loves it.

“They have looked at a few places and are waiting for Amy’s cheque from Back To Black before putting the deposit down.”

Things we learned today:

1. Amy Winehouse is romantic.
2. Amy Winehouse is a little princess.

Umkay?

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A few more factoids from the Us Weekly cover story on Britney Spears life as a fun mom: Britney likes tacos and babies with wicked white teeth. Can you blame her?

The tooth fairy may be making early visits to 22-month-old Sean. “He’s having dental problems because Britney just shoves a bottle of juice in his mouth all the time to stop him from crying,” a family insider tells Us.

Another source says that, in April, Spears “asked an L.A. dentist if he would whiten her kid’s teeth!” The dentist refused.

The bizarre behavior doesn’t stop there. Spears and her kids became high-end squatters July 22, when they toured, then took over for several hours, a Pacific Palisades home, on the market for $6.5 million.

Upon arrival, her bodyguard removed the FOR SALE sign, then went to her Beverly Hills home to fetch some of their belongings. The result was a home seller’s nightmare, with Spears and her kids trashing the house before money exchanged hands.

“She ate tacos on the bedroom floor!” a source says of the home. “She got crumbs and grease everywhere. She let her babies and her dog roam the floor. She left the bed a mess. I don’t know what’s wrong with her.”

Seriously, y’all, her life is like one long episode of Hee-Haw.

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