• Cracky VonDrunkAss does Pop Magazine. [JJ]
• Janet Jackson married Jermaine Dupree? [Celebitchy]
• Ian Ziering is a douchebag. [CS]
• Suri Cruise is sleepy. [SOW]
• The NFL suspended Michael Vick. [CS]
• David Beckham got kicked in the balls by some dude during last night’s match. [RR]
• Jennifer Aniston plus bikini. [GB]
• Oh hey, Pete Doherty is back in rehab. Again. [WW]
• Police seized several pit bulls during a raid on rapper DMX’s home. [WLC]
• Jenny McCarthy is on vacay. [JIYH]
• Jessica Alba wearing some wicked tight pants. [DS]
• Good news: Britney Spears is attempting to learn Israeli martial arts. [HM]

Nicole Richie’s attorney released a statement claiming his client was “pleasantly surprised” to be released from jail after serving only 82 minutes. Well, duh.

“Nicole was aware that most people with sentences similar to hers are booked and released in a matter of hours and she was hoping to be treated like everyone else,” attorney Shawn Chapman Holley said in a statement. “Nevertheless, she was prepared to serve her entire four-day sentence had the Sheriff’s Department required her to do so.”

On Thursday, accompanied by her boyfriend Joel Madden as well as Holley, the five-months pregnant Richie entered the jail in Lynwood, Calif., at 3:15 p.m. She was processed into the system and released at 4:37 p.m.

“Of course, she was pleasantly surprised to be released so quickly,” said Holley.

A spokesperson for the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department defended the move to release Nicole early, saying that the starlet “was released early due to overcrowding in the jail system. This is standard procedure for nonviolent offenders.”

Nonviolent? I don’t know, dude–did you see that episode of the Simple Life where Nicole freaked out at the honky tonk bar and threw bleach all over the pool table? She seemed kinda violent to me.

Brad Pitt approached a group of photographers in New York City yesterday and respectfully asked them to back off when his four children are out in public with him. Brad suggested the paps should employ their long-range telephoto lens if they wanted close-up shots of the family.

“Anything you guys can do long-lens would be much appreciated. You’re workin’ hard, you guys.”

Brad’s delicate approach apparently worked: during an outing today to a hot dog vendor with son Maddox Chivan, 6, photographers gave father and son a few extra feet while on the sidewalk. After they ordered and returned to their waiting SUV, Brad yelled to the paps, “Much better with the kids, you guys are better!”

Source

Gwen Stefani arrived in Hawaii yesterday with husband Gavin Rossdale and their floppy-haired kiddo, Kingston. This trip came on the heals of Gwen’s performance in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, on August 21, where she took to the stage in costumes that bared little to no skin, in an effort to appease the country’s mostly Muslim citizens.

Source

Britney Spears’ Yorkie puppy London reportedly suffered a broken leg after Brit-Brit put the puppy in a play pen with her two young sons. Thumbs up!

A source tells the National Enquirer, “When Britney first got the puppy, she showed him to the boys. Sean chased the little dog until Britney finally had to stop him because the dog ran under the bed and wouldn’t come out.”

But the boys’ rough play continued, and they often threw little London around. And now the pooch is sporting a cast on his rear leg after one recent incident left him in agony.

The source adds, “Britney found London under the crib whimpering and crying. The poor puppy was taken to the vet when Britney’s cousin Alli Sims noticed that he wasn’t walking right or running as fast.”

But really, is there anything cuter than a couple of toddlers breaking a puppy’s leg? That’s a kodak moment for both DFS and PETA.

Amy Winehouse spoke out against claims that her husband, Blake Fielder-Civil, beat her bloody this week after an argument at a London hotel. Photographers spotted Amy stumbling around in the street dazed and bloody, with cuts covering most of her body. Blake was in a similarly bad state, with deep gashes covering her face.

In a text message sent the next day, Amy said Blake didn’t beat her, instead he attempted to “save my life” after her caught shooting up heroin with a prostitute. Umkay.

“Blake is the best man in the world. We would never ever harm each other… I was cutting myself after he found me in our room about to do drugs with a call girl and rightly said I wasn’t good enough for him. I lost it and he saved my life.”

“He did not and never has hurt me. He has such a hard time and he so supportive… He is an amazing man who saved my life again and got cut badly for his troubles.

“All he get’s is horrible stories printed about him and he just keeps quiet, but this is too much.”

She added: “I’ll be alright. I need to fight my man’s corner for him though.”

Amy was spotted fleeing from Blake early yesterday morning. A few hours later, the couple walked arm in arm around SoHo.

Kirsten Dunst and her kittenteeth suffered a robbery at the hands of two cunning robbers who broke into her suite at NYC’s SoHo Grand Hotel and walked off with some swag. The incident occurred earlier this month after Kirsten and her assistant left the room to film scenes for her new film “How to Lose Friends and Alienate People.”

Security cameras caught the two men walking away with a $13,000 Balenciaga bag, a couple wallets, an iPod, some cash, and a few cameras.

Cops, aided by hotel surveillance video, busted one suspect Tuesday as he left Brooklyn Supreme Court, where he was facing pending heroin-sale charges.

Jarrod Beinerman, 33, of Brooklyn, was being held on $50,000 bond after his arraignment Wednesday in Manhattan Criminal Court on burglary and grand-larceny charges. Cops are searching for Beinerman’s alleged accomplice, whose name they know.

Beinerman has a long criminal record, including two federal drug convictions in the late 1990s related to his role in a cocaine-distribution ring and to subsequently possessing narcotics in prison.

His latest alleged caper began Aug. 9, when Dunst lefther penthouse suite at 4:48 a.m., court records indicate. Within minutes, Beinerman was spotted by surveillance cameras entering the hotel at 310 West Broadway, according to records. A source said he was accompanied by his accomplice.

Beinerman took a guest elevator to the floor below Dunst’s suite and then took a freight elevator up to the penthouse level.

There, Beinerman allegedly walked through an open door into the penthouse and stole items belonging to Dunst and her companions, including $2,500, a Marc Jacobs purse, wallets containing IDs and credit cards, several bags - including one by Balenciaga - two digital cameras, a cellphone and an iPod, records state.

Beinerman and his accomplice were caught again on video exiting the hotel with the loot, according to a criminal complaint. The theft was discovered about an 1½ hours later.

At Beinerman’s arraignment Wednesday, his lawyer, James Kirschner, told a judge: “He tells me they were filming a movie that day [at the hotel]. That’s why he was there. He went there to check out what was going on.” Kirschner also told the judge that surveillance footage showed Beinerman holding nothing in his hands when he left the hotel.

Beinerman’s personal MySpace page showed he last logged onto the site Monday - the day before his bust. His “mood” setting on the page indicated he was “worried.”

The page also features the quote, “Learn from your mistakes and grow from misfortune,” along with photos of stacks of $20 bills, and plays the 50 Cent song “I Get Money” for visitors.

Dear Kirsten Dunst: lock the door to your hotel room when you leave, genius.