Dane Cook apparently does not realize that his 15 minutes are just about up. The comedian blabbed on his Myspace blog that he was unhappy with the poster for his upcoming film “My Best Friend’s Girl.” He even went as far as to micromanage the poster’s Photoshopping and graphics.

Let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in.

Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics:
Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with
3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head:
The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ vagina.

3. The Stare.
My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudsons hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half stunned, half corsage.

4. Lips:
It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My characters name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion:
My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh:
It’s no secret that I’m more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I’ve got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the fuckin’ bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond’s dolls would look at me and say “shit … that guys got flawless skin!”

7. Hair:
It’s actually a close up shot of Tom Sellecks Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin’.

8. The set:
Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast:
Alec Baldwin is so fucking funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts:
I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn’t the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) watch it below! Just click of the mute button and your rolling!

PS - “Its funny what love can make you do.” I just threw up all over this awful poster.
Wow, wait … it looks better.

If there’s a God in heaven, Dane will be blacklisted.

• Peaches Geldolf married some dude in Las Vegas. [BB]
• Paris Hilton attempts to figure out how to ride a bicycle. [BS]
• Sienna Miller got hysterical on the paparazzi. [CB]
• Here’s the latest Olympic gold medal tracker. [CFW]
• I had a major crush on Simon LeBon when I was a kid. Sigh. [CS]
• Angelina Jolie snagged Tom Cruise’s role in an upcoming action movie. [DS]
• Shelley Malil from “The 40 Year Old Virgin” gets stabby. [DH]
• There’s a new Lara Croft. [DR]
• Vanessa Hudgens is being sued. [FH]
• Mariah Carey finally had her dream wedding party. [HMG]
• What the hell is Lady Gaga wearing? [PB]
• Don’t kill off Jack and Kate on “Lost,” please. [SOW]
• “Gossip Girl” is back to filming in NYC. [BST]
• Hayden Panettiere’s father was released on bail after allegedly assaulting her mother. [TB]
• Velvet Revolver might have a new singer. [RR]
• Robert Downey Jr debuted his new pornstache. [WIMB]
• Alex Rodriguez reportedly donated $500,000 to Madonna’s charity. [ER]
• Oh God: do we really need a remake of “The Witches of Eastwick?” [DL]
• Megan Fox hates on Brian Austin Green’s dogs. [CNW]
• Protesters gathered at the premiere for “Tropical Thunder.” [CDL]
• People Magazine wasted $14 million. [AIW]
• Random Heidi Montag appearance. [IDWYL]
• Jeff Conway frightens me. [GB]

Angelina Jolie has an unlikely BFF. No, not Mariane Pearl, I’m talking seriously unlikely. Page Six claimed Angelina formed a close friendship with porn star Tera Patrick, and the two scary broads discuss “girl-talk” (aka “fellatio”), and possible roles they’re considering.

A source told Page Six Angelina called Tera to ask if she thought she should take the role of Catwoman. Tera replied, “Slurp, moan, slurp,” or something porny like that.

“They are friends and keep in touch via e-mail,” said a source. “She and Angie have a girl-talk thing going. After seeing reports that she’ll land the lead role, Jolie asked Patrick what she thought. Tera had such insights into the role that Jolie cracked, ‘You should do it!’ “

I wonder if Tera called Angelina before she decided to take her challenging role in Where the Boys Aren’t 18?

Gywneth Paltrow upset guests at benefit party when she refused to spend any time with them, after they paid up to $2,500 to attend a party with her at photographer Steven Klein’s home in the Hamptons.

The party benefited one of Gwyneth’s charities, the Amarayllis Farm Equine Rescue Organization, but rather than mingle with the attendees dying to catch a glimpse of her fine ass, Gywneth spent most of the evening in Klein’s house, which was off-limits to those paying party guests.

“Gwyneth stayed in the house from the beginning,” sniffed one guest. “She was hanging inside the house with Steven and with Kelly Klein nearly the entire time. Nobody could go inside the house, they had security blocking the way. It was so rude.”

Even Billy Joel’s wife, Katie, was turned back, says a source.

Perhaps even worse, Klein demanded that guests wear all black, and herded them into his unlit horse riding field.

“It was a ‘black’ party, everybody had to wear black,” our source says. “[Klein] had a bonfire off to the side, but there were no lights whatsoever, and his backyard is huge. He has these black benches all around, and people kept crashing into them.”

Paltrow did emerge for about five minutes to address the group, which included Calvin Klein, Donna Karan, Andrew Saffir, Nicole Miller, Sale Johnson, Russell Simmons, Rosanna Scotto, Rocco DiSpirito and Marcy Warren.

After crying, “I can’t see! I can’t see!” as she teetered to the field, the “Iron Man” star talked about Amaryllis, which helps stop the slaughter of horses, donkeys and mules for dog meat in Mexico.

The party raised $200,000, which seems like a rather small amount for a celeb-studded bash, but I guess it doesn’t cost much to keep a donkey from being turned into Ol’ Roy.

Source

Paris Hilton spent the last few months blabbing about her never-ending love for her fugly boyfriend, but thankfully, we may have heard the last of her love pledges for Benji. According to TechCrunch, Paris started dating Myspace CEO Chris DeWolfe a few weeks ago.

The 42 year old executive and the 27 year old dipshit are still on the down-low, but sources close to Myspace claimed the two have officially hooked up.

We first got wind of this when we saw DeWolfe in a random video clip with Hilton from last month. He’s also been throwing parties in the Hamptons, and Hilton has been at all of them.

Now we’ve got a source in New York that’s confirming the two are dating. DeWolfe is hosting yet another party tonight in the Hamptons, and Hilton will reportedly be there as his date.

This is a brilliant marketing move for MySpace (or for Hilton?) Or maybe they actually like each other. All we’ve confirmed is that they are definitely dating.

I’m sure Nicole Richie will be so relieved to have Paris off future Good Charlotte tours.

Source

Although Madonna’s rep swore that recent photos of the singer looking as haggard as hell must have been Photoshopped, a source claimed the new look is a result of surgery and stress.

Shortly after allegations of an affair with Alex Rodriguez surfaced, Madonna appeared in public with a gaunt face and thinner-than-usual physique. The source said Madonna underwent a slight nip and tuck last spring, and also managed to lose a few pounds off her already-tiny frame.

The procedure? “A mid-face lift,” says the source. “It’s meant to make the cheekbones more prominent.”

The source confirms that Madonna has lost a bit of weight, thanks in part to the stress induced by constant media coverage of the singer’s supposed relationship with New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez.

Expect Madge to shed more weight after she starts her grueling “Sticky and Sweet” world tour later this month. Tour dates as follows:

August 23 Cardiff @ Millennium Stadium
August 26 Nice @ Stade Charles Ehrmann
August 28 Berlin @ Olympic Stadium
September 2 Amsterdam @ Arena
September 4 Dusseldorf @ LTU Arena
September 6 Rome @ Olympic Stadium
September 9 Frankfurt @ Commerzbank Arena
September 11 London @ Wembley Stadium
September 20 Paris @ Stade de France
October 3 E. Rutherford @ Izod Center
October 6 New York City @ Madison Square Garden
October 7 New York City @ Madison Square Garden
October 15 Boston @ TD BankNorth Garden
October 18 Toronto @ Air Canada Centre
October 22 Montreal @ Bell Centre
October 26 Chicago @ United Center
October 30 Vancouver @ BC Place Stadium
November 1 Oakland @ Oracle Arena
November 4 San Diego @ Petco Park
November 6 Los Angeles @ Dodger Stadium
November 8 Las Vegas @ MGM Grand Garden Arena
November 11 Denver @ Pepsi Center
November 16 Houston @ Minute Maid Park
November 19 Philadelphia @ Wachovia Center
November 22 Atlantic City @ Boardwalk Hall
November 24 Atlanta @ Philips Arena
November 26 Miami @ Dolphin Stadium

Tori Spelling flashed some cleavage in Malibu while lifting up one year old son Liam. Homegirl looked rather flap-jacky in the chest area, which was strange, considering she just gave birth to daughter Stella on June 9.