Let me short-word this Paris Hilton/Lady Gaga interview for you: “slurp, slurp, slurp.”

• Pamela Anderson continues to age gracefully. [TB]
• George Clooney wants to be adopted. [SOW]
• I guess this means we can look for AJ McClean on the next season of Celebrity Rehab? [CS]
• Aretha Franklin’s inauguration hate is making history. [CK]
• Mischa Barton does Paris. [DR]
• Paris Hilton threw a tea party. [YH]
• Nice job slandering this lady, Australia. [BB]
• Avril Lavigne is a mess. [AIW]
• Lady Gaga takes her job very seriously. [AG]
• Tom Cruise is very excited. [WIMB]
• I don’t want to see anymore. [AY]
• Russell Brand picked up some classy broads. [BST]
• Taylor Swift does Teen Vogue. [CFW]
• The ladies from “Mad Men” are wicked hot. [PB]
• Geri Halliwell is engaged to some dude. [HMG]
• Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” is headed to Broadway. [GB]
• Also headed to Broadway: Jennifer Lopez. [INMF]
• PETA’s Superbowl ad was banned by NBC. [DS]