• Ashton Kutcher Twittered his wife’s ass. [HMG]
• Brian Austin Green managed to get a job. [INMF]
• Matt Lauer was injured in an accident with a deer. [GH]
• Check out Lily Allen’s new video for “Not Fair.” [PB]
• Amy Winehouse’s new disc isn’t going so well. [AIW]
• Holly Madison on her DWTS competition. [CFW]
• Slyvia Plath’s son, Nicholas Hughes, sadly followed down her same unfortunate path. [DS]
• Leann Rimes’ husband is a closet case? No way! [GB]
• Winnie Cooper got hitched. [SOW]
• Fred Durst is still talking about that time a million years ago when he banged Britney Spears. [CNW]
• The new Jennifer Aniston flick is going to be filled with beautiful people. [AG]
• Katy Perry has really shitty taste in dudes. [POTP]
• Robin Williams is recovering from heart surgery. [CVL]
• Scarlett Johansson is on the cover of French Vogue. [JS]
• Ethan Hawke has a mini-me, sans goatee. [LS]
• A-Rod loves hookers. [YH]
• Nice dye-job. [WIMB]
• Katie Price and some little ponies. [BST]
• Madonna fired her nanny before she could quit. [TB]
• Sarah Jessica Parker and Hugh Grant are working on a film together. [AS]
• Victoria Beckham gets bendy for Armani. [TS]
• Annika Sorenstam is pregnant. [CS]
• David Letterman married his long-time partner, Regina Lasko. [BB]

M.I.A. threw a fucking fit last month when media outlets reported her new son’s name as “Ickitt.” After the reports surfaced, the singer immediately fired off a Myspace bulletin claiming the newborn’s name was not “Ickitt,” so don’t get it twisted, fool.

“MY BABY IS NOT CALLED ICKITT, PICKIT OR LICKIT THANK YOU VERY MUCH, ” she writes. “HES A BABY, HE DONT NEED PRESS!”

Explaining that she doesn’t consider her son’s name to be newsworthy information, M.I.A.  says she’ll be back with something for her fans soon. “TILL THEN GO PICK ON APPLE, SATCHEL AND MOON UNIT,” she suggests.

Um, ok, but anyhoo, according to the Health Department’s records, the one month old baby is named Ikhyd Edgar Arular Bronfman. Also, the document listed M.I.A (real name Mathangi Maya Arulpragasam) as being thirty-three years old, not thirty-one, as she previously claimed.

This seriously looks like a rejected ANTM photoshoot.

Congrats to Bruce Willis: the fifty-four year old actor married thirty-two year old model Emma Hemming on Saturday at his vacation home in Parrot Bay, Turks and Caicos. Ex-wife Demi Moore attended the private ceremony with her own much younger husband, Ashton Kutcher.

Also present among the small group of guests were Moore and Willis’s daughters, Rumer Willis, 20, Scout, 17, and Tallullah Belle, 15.

The couple, who met through mutual friends, have been together for more than a year and will be having a civil ceremony when they return to California, according to the actor’s rep.

Because I’m assy (and optimistic!), I give the marriage six months.