A Dallas auction house has prepared a collection of Anna Nicole Smith’s diaries for auction in a few weeks. The diaries span from 1992 to 1994, and paint a heart-breaking picture of a woman who struggled with drug problems, weight issues, and a troubling love life.

The first diary is a purple and green Hallmark hardback book with the handwritten message on the inside cover: “This diary belongs to Vickie Smith. Do Not Read!” (Smith’s birth name was Vickie Lynn Hogan.)

In it, she describes the beginning of her relationship with Paul Marciano, CEO of Guess Inc. “O my Gosh!! Paul Marsiano called today to see if I got his books also I’m gonna go to San Antonio to do photo shoot,” she wrote on June 23, 1992. “I’m so excited!! I can’t believe this. This could be it.” The entry ends with five smiley faces.

Two days later she describes buying $3,000 worth of clothing at Neiman Marcus. “I’m so happy they look great,” she wrote. “I hope it empresses Paul Marsiano. … I’m starving!! I’ve been starving myself.”

Anna also described her love for her husband J. Howard Marshall, who was withering away during the time period the diaries were written.

Jesus loves you yes he does Jesus love me to. He looks from up above at me and you… My husbands [J. Howard Marshall] very sick and weak, Theres nothing I can do I want each hour to comfort him with medicines and prayers… When you touch him Im afraid he might break… Sometimes he tries to smile and give me such hope, he a fighter and I believe he can make it…If Jesus desides to take him I dont no what I’ll do. I love him so much… I wish Pierce [Marshall’s son] would stay out of our lives and let us be…He took all the money away from me would not pay my bills… they should have never let him out of the hospital with namonia…God I just love him so… Sometimes I think of awlful things like hes going to die…I dont think I would be stable enough to go to his funeral if he died… I need some support and I have none. But I do have Jesus and my Director is comming down to support me. He’s the one who brought me back to Jesus… I can’t dare sleep cause he will pull out that breathing tube. No one else stays here but a few minutes. But im his wife and I want to be here… Ive cried so much I dont have any tears… My husbands much better…I believe hill live to a hundred and 10 and still keep fighting untill the End… My husband has had a miracle. Jesus let him stay he new he shouldnt take him away… I’d die for him hes so precious to me… I am now devoted for life to Jesus…”

Heritage Auction Galleries, the Dallas-based auction house who bought the diaries from a German businessman, claimed they expect the diaries to fetch as much as $100,000 during the public auction.

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